Warning: There are no pretty pictures of earthly houses today...
only a glimpse into the window of my heart.
Prepare yourself...cause I'm putting myself out there.
Today was a wonderful day spent with my friend Tahra.
only a glimpse into the window of my heart.
Prepare yourself...cause I'm putting myself out there.
Today was a wonderful day spent with my friend Tahra.
We both home school our kids, and we met through a group that we are involved with in Orlando.
When we arrived, her home was filled with a familiar smell.
fresh homemade bread.
This is something else that we have in common.
We both grind our own wheat and bake our breads.
The bread finished baking, and as we talked, the most genuine conversation erupted.
We began to talk about the pressures that we feel to have it all together.
our homes.
our children.
our marriages.
we talked about how often we give in to the temptation to get our identities from these things
...our significance
Do you know what I'm talking about?
We both know the truth.
We know that only God can fulfill those deep things in us.
We know that our significance can only come from Him.
but...
we both admitted that we find ourselves getting caught up in it from time to time.
I don't know about the rest of you, but it usually sneaks up on me and jumps out at me from nowhere.
I can feel like I have whipped this struggle into submission and then something happens...
and I'm knocked out from under my feet.
I took pictures of the fresh baked bread because I wanted to show you our day together.
It wasn't going to be a long post.
Just a picture with a few words expressing what a wonderful time we had on this beautiful Friday.
but as I said earlier...
these things that we sometimes get our significance from sneak up on us.
I came home to find out that a couple of friends spontaneously stopped by today.
They'd never seen my house and so my husband gladly gave them the 4 1/2 minute tour.
When I got home and realized that I'd missed seeing them when they stopped by.
it didn't take long to realize that it did something to me.
Instead of regretting that I'd missed seeing such sweet girls...
I became panicked.
...over the few loads of laundry undone.
...the dishes in the sink.
...the bathroom lids with my boys urine all over them.
oh, and let's not forget to mention the dried toothpaste in the sink that they often forget to rinse out.
...the 79 toys laying around completely out of place.
I had quite a sad little party...
the theme of the party was "get your significance from how your house looks!"
Have you ever hosted one of these?
The truth is...
I'm disappointed with myself.
If there is one truth that I know that I know that I know.
It's that my life..my heart...my soul ...my mind..
it is only at peace ..true peace
When I am getting my security...my identity..my significance from the one who loves me regardless of the dishes in the sink and the unfolded laundry.
I was just saying to Tahra today how far I'd come in this struggle.
and then BOOM!
In a matter of just an hour, I was hit square in the face with it.
I was just saying to Tahra today how far I'd come in this struggle.
and then BOOM!
In a matter of just an hour, I was hit square in the face with it.
I knew what I had to do after about 15 minutes of hosting that party for myself.
I turned on my favorite worship music play list.
sent my husband with the kiddos to soccer practice
and I cried.
and cried.
and cried some more.
I offered my terribly broken self to the Lord.
I acknowledged how very much I need him in this area of my heart and mind.
I confessed to pride for thinking that I and my big self was soooo far from this struggle.
And, I thanked him.
thanked him for renewing my mind.
thanked him for loving me regardless of the absolute mess that I am.
thanked him for giving me an opportunity to see my great need for him.
thanked him for loving me regardless of the absolute mess that I am.
thanked him for giving me an opportunity to see my great need for him.
God is my daily bread.
He is the only one that can literally take my panicked self and bring peace.
Peace that transcends my own understanding.
I can never bring that kind of peace about myself.
My husband can never say anything in those moments that make it all better.
nothing..no one...can put my significance in it's rightful place.
Only God can do this for me.
And so there is Peace.
All that yuck that was overwhelming me not two hours ago...
gone.
Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of Peace be removed,"
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
** linking up with The Inspired Room **
Thanks for sharing these very personal thoughts. Because I think alot of us deal with the same struggle.
ReplyDeleteI'm so with you. Same struggle. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteUg. I hear you sister. I know this one all too well. I think we all struggle with this in one way or another. I have to do the same thing, go to my Savior, and let Him tell me who I am. I need to quit going to my stuff or my house or my accomplishments to fill myself up. He is the living water and can fill every last empty part of us. Thanks for this heartfelt post and keeping truth spoken out there in Blogland.
ReplyDeletep.s. You really grind your own wheat? Wow. Totally impressed.
Hang in there! My prayers ar with you :)
ReplyDeleteXO
Kristin
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTara,
ReplyDeleteYou are the kind of friend that I want to share my dirty dishes with, the kind I know would help me with my laundry if I was truly struggling. Thanks for sharing your weakness. When we are weak, He is strong. Isn't that where he wants us. I cried when I read your post. Thank you so much. I needed that! And, trust me my house has been in a shambles many times! I'm glad to call you FRIEND!
so glad you were able, through prayer, to re-focus. it is is hard, isn't it? you might find it funny to know that some friends were dropping off my 12 year old last week. My daughter showed them thru the house & I didn't find out till several days later! Oh my! who know what they saw? hope you have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! I am desperately seeking to learn that lesson as well. My security comes from HIM. Thank you for sharing with all of us!
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is one of us here that can't relate.
ReplyDeleteOh you sweet, sweet girl. I know this one, too well. I have to die to it often, I often feel that the people around me have it so much more together than I do. I can throw a beautiful pity party for this one, then I get suck into wondering if God has gifted others more than me, which is nothing more than saying I think He loves them more than me. Who am I kidding that is wrong and I know it but in the moment I get sucked in, God and I have been working on this for the last few months and I will say I am starting to recover faster and reconize it sooner, so I will find joy in that and try to enjoy the learning process. Thank you for letting your gaurd down and expose yourself. You are a blessing.
ReplyDeleteCha Cha
What a great post! I don't think any of us could honestly say that we have never felt the same way before. Sending a great big hug your way! xoxo
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why you are one of my nearest and dearest!!!! You are real to the core of your heart,thanks for being transparent and honest. Spoke straight to my heart and I needed that tonight :]
ReplyDeleteLove you friend and you know I understand exactly what you are talking about. How often I put so much wasted energy into these things that in the long run don't amount to a hill of beans. Oh how often. Isn't He endlessly patient with us???? Thanks for shooting so straight - you are not alone!!!! hugs and kisses.
ReplyDeleteOh, how many times I have been convicted by the same thoughts...Matha, Martha, the Lord answered, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her." Luke 10:41-42...but thanks be to God for his mercy and grace! He loves us and knows us and forgives us and does it all again! Thank you for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
beautifully written post that I'm sure everyone will be able to relate to.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this.
ReplyDeleteI also feel when I've neglected Our Holy Father, and need to just cut all the rest out and focus on HIM.
Beautiful words of praise to Him.
Thanks for sharing that. I think it's safe to say we probably can all relate. I know I can! Thanks for posting.
ReplyDeleteOh Tara, I could have written this post! I think I have come a long way and it will smack me in the head again. I DO NOT have it together. It took me FOREVER to let people in my house if it wasn't perfect. Well since homeschooling and having therapists for my son in and out all the time has taught me even more. We can't be perfect, we fall short. We can't have it all together, we fall short. We need HIM.
ReplyDeleteAnd the mess is temporary, someday we will be old and gray and alone and WISH we were tripping over toys. My mother tells me all the time :)
xoxo
Kristi
I can definitely relate to this heartfelt post! Thank you for sharing these thoughts and for making me feel so much better about some of my bad days!
ReplyDeleteBest wishes,
Natasha.
Tara you were able to express in words how so many of us feel...it is always a struggle to remember what matters. We all get caught up. It reminds me of the time when my little one was just a baby, my daughter wanted to craft, the kitchen (the whole house) was a disaster but it was Saturday and I knew that I would have the whole day to pick up and clean, and I sat down at the table in my PJs to craft with Charlotte...and we got a pop-in...from friends. Wanted to RUN AWAY. You don't need me to tell you that you do a fabulous job...you wheat grinding...bread baking mama!
ReplyDelete~Tara
Most of us as women have a hang-up about our houses. We feel they are a reflection of who we are. It's silly, isn't it? My mother-in-law (who keeps a clean house, but a little cluttered) says, "I want people to come see me. Not my house." :) I love her cheerful attitude. . . But I've done what you have. We have to take that next step, as you did, and replace the lie with the truth! We matter because God made us, and the state of our hearts is more important than the state of our houses.
ReplyDeleteOh, and by the way, I was giggling to myself that you're one of "those" people who grinds their own wheat. I (a homeschooler) used to live in a large homeschooling community. We bread buyers used to laugh with the wheat grinders, telling them not to judge us at the grocery store. :) But it's another area where we sometimes get a warped view of significance (the cooking/meals thing). . .
Thank you for putting yourself out there. I completely panick when this same thing happens...friends drop by the house is not all tidy.... and feel ashamed that i let that make me feel horrible when it's not about the house it's about the people who live in the home. When i go to friends home i'm never shocked to see dishes in the sink, toys on the floor, etc. it's life with a family the way it should be so i wonder why i feel things should be different for my home. thank you for reminding me whats important.
ReplyDeletexo,
LuLU
Thank you for sharing your heart with us like this. You could have been writing a page from my journey too. I love this little quote and find it a good reminder: "The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing."
ReplyDeleteOh and I'd love to learn more about grinding your own wheat, where and what to buy and your favorite bread recipes. :)
This morning I woke up thinking "why should I carry on blogging" ... and then after posting my thoughts I bumped into your blog. I am also a wife & mommy with 2 very lively little treasures, am a daughter of the King, and am so desperate to be more like Jesus yet find these familiar pulls that you mentioned. After reading to the end of your post I was so encouraged to keep up blogging, because it showed me that you just never know what you might read which may just be Heaven's whisper to the core of your heart. Your message spoke straight to mine today. THANK YOU for sharing your heart. You could have been writing about me today. Love Janine
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing these very personal thoughts.........I think that i have to handle with the same struggle.......... hugs from me.......
ReplyDeleteGreat post Tara...thanks for being honest and vulnerable about an issue so many of us struggle with...it touched my soul b/c I would of reacted the same way but I wonder if I would of cried out to the Lord...or stayed at my "pity party"...something for me to ponder...Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and am happy I did. This is so true.. I find myself doing this all the time. I hustle through the day to get my chores done so my house looks perfect and then they day is gone and I'm like... wait a minute I missed a lot today....
ReplyDeleteYour right, in the end it doesn't really matter and when people come by your house they know whats inside whether it is clean or dirty on that particular day.
Jen
Hi Tara,
ReplyDeleteI don't have my own blog, and I've never commented to anyone before. But I found your blog and it just resonnated with my soul. You might have written it just for me. We have an amazing family and so many blessings on a daily basis, but we are really challenged financially. I find myself continually struggling to feel of worth because I don't have the fancy, perfect house.
My twenty year old daughter just got engaged to a darling boy. Instead of feeling the joy I panicked because his parents would come to our home. Plus they are more educated than us.
Thank you so so much for reminding me of my priorities and of whose plan we truly follow. I am sorry this is so long, but I had to tell you how grateful I am for your willingness to share. Thanks! Kim
Thank you for who you are! It's so encouraging to hear your heart when I sit in the same mess so very very often in just a different setting.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity is fabulous... I'm in the middle of it right now. I might let you borrow it in a month or so.
Tara~We did not know each other very well in highschool~but when I found your blog I was hooked~ when I read your posts I feel as if I am sitting with you in your home~ you truly touch my soul with every post~ God bless you for being able to put yourself out there and touch so many lives.
ReplyDelete