Warning: There are no pretty pictures of earthly houses today...
only a glimpse into the window of my heart.
Prepare yourself...cause I'm putting myself out there.
Today was a wonderful day spent with my friend Tahra. We both home school our kids, and we met through a group that we are involved with in Orlando.
When we arrived, her home was filled with a familiar smell.
fresh homemade bread.
This is something else that we have in common.
We both grind our own wheat and bake our breads.
The bread finished baking, and as we talked, the most genuine conversation erupted.
We began to talk about the pressures that we feel to have it all together.
our homes.
our children.
our marriages.
we talked about how often we give in to the temptation to get our identities from these things
...our significance
Do you know what I'm talking about?
We both know the truth.
We know that only God can fulfill those deep things in us.
We know that our significance can only come from Him.
but...
we both admitted that we find ourselves getting caught up in it from time to time.
I don't know about the rest of you, but it usually sneaks up on me and jumps out at me from nowhere.
I can feel like I have whipped this struggle into submission and then something happens...
and I'm knocked out from under my feet.
I took pictures of the fresh baked bread because I wanted to show you our day together.
It wasn't going to be a long post.
Just a picture with a few words expressing what a wonderful time we had on this beautiful Friday.
but as I said earlier...
these things that we sometimes get our significance from sneak up on us.
I came home to find out that a couple of friends spontaneously stopped by today.
They'd never seen my house and so my husband gladly gave them the 4 1/2 minute tour.
When I got home and realized that I'd missed seeing them when they stopped by.
it didn't take long to realize that it did something to me.
Instead of regretting that I'd missed seeing such sweet girls...
I became panicked.
...over the few loads of laundry undone.
...the dishes in the sink.
...the bathroom lids with my boys urine all over them.
oh, and let's not forget to mention the dried toothpaste in the sink that they often forget to rinse out.
...the 79 toys laying around completely out of place.
I had quite a sad little party...
the theme of the party was "get your significance from how your house looks!"
Have you ever hosted one of these?
The truth is...
I'm disappointed with myself.
If there is one truth that I know that I know that I know.
It's that my life..my heart...my soul ...my mind..
it is only at peace ..true peace
When I am getting my security...my identity..my significance from the one who loves me regardless of the dishes in the sink and the unfolded laundry.
I was just saying to Tahra today how far I'd come in this struggle.
and then BOOM!
In a matter of just an hour, I was hit square in the face with it.
I knew what I had to do after about 15 minutes of hosting that party for myself.
I turned on my favorite worship music play list.
sent my husband with the kiddos to soccer practice
and I cried.
and cried.
and cried some more.
I offered my terribly broken self to the Lord.
I acknowledged how very much I need him in this area of my heart and mind.
I confessed to pride for thinking that I and my big self was soooo far from this struggle.
And, I thanked him.
thanked him for renewing my mind.
thanked him for loving me regardless of the absolute mess that I am.
thanked him for giving me an opportunity to see my great need for him.
God is my daily bread.
He is the only one that can literally take my panicked self and bring peace.
Peace that transcends my own understanding.
I can never bring that kind of peace about myself.
My husband can never say anything in those moments that make it all better.
nothing..no one...can put my significance in it's rightful place.
Only God can do this for me.
And so there is Peace.
All that yuck that was overwhelming me not two hours ago...
gone.
Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of Peace be removed,"
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.